Wait For Marriage
Facebook Status Updates, Relationships & Life Print
Written by Karen Farris   

What does saving sex for marriage have to do with Facebook? Well hold on, and I’ll get to that. The whole structure of relationships has changed in the advent of texting, social networking and online dating. Certainly the hook-up culture with the whole “friends with benefits” still happens, but the bottom line? People still seek companionship.

If the end goal is to find someone you love and want to be with “f-o-r-e-v-e-r” then why mess things up in the beginning or the middle? The casual attitude towards relationships often leaves couples wounded, weary and scarred.

Somehow, there needs to be a new set of guidelines for this 21st Century minefield known as “relationships”. Since Facebook allows maximum exposure for potential partners, what should you post?

Recently a group of guys were polled about their biggest Facebook turn-offs:

  • 1) Girls using Facebook like a FBI background check for a guy
  • 2) Girls making stupid duck face poses
  • 3) Girls revealing all the lurid details of past relationships
  • 4) Girls posting man-bashing status updates
  • 5) Girls posting never-ending self-portraits
  • 6) Girls posting couple pictures before it’s official

Facebook seems to be a networking site for relationships. No secrets and plenty of drama too. But someday it might be nice to get serious. No one is polling the older generation about what makes relationships work. And truthfully, many older folks don’t have any idea and have failed miserably. But here’s some advice for those who genuinely care about their future mate:

  • 1) You need to keep your “status” healthy—your sexual health when it comes to relationships.
  • 2) If you want to find someone who’ll stay with you—ask the right questions before you go too far. If they have lots of “friends” and a lengthy history chances are you’ll be just one more friend and will soon be history.
  • 3) There’s life after Facebook. It’s called job, family and building a life together. Soon the thrill of relationship-hopping will leave you older and alone.
  • 4) Look for the keepers. They’re out there. You just need to think like someone who’s planning ahead—for a future that’s more than a quick status update.
  • 5) Saving sex for marriage has some guarantees too: no disease, no baggage to carry around, and the potential for someone like you who waited too.

Depression Cure: No Casual Sex Print
Written by Karen Farris   

This generation of youth and young adults are bombarded with enticing ideas about sex. Yet, each one must be responsible for her/his own choices. We now have two decades of conclusive research tracing all sorts of links between casual sex and its results.

While pregnancy and STDs rank high on the list of probable outcomes for sex. There are far more sinister ones that can lurk in the shadows. Depression is one that particularly attacks young women.

Recent studies featured in the Journal of Sex Research noted that there was a significant rise in female depression with the increase in casual sex partners. It got worse as the behavior continued.

It comes as no surprise really. For women, sex is about love. They desire closeness and commitment and casual sex gives neither. Isn’t it ironic how depressing it is that casual sex has led to so much more depression in today’s young adults?

The 21st Century challenge is to step back and observe all that you see. Evaluate the quality of relationships that are out there. Do you hope for a long-term marriage someday? Determine the journey you need to take to arrive at your destination with your health, hope, and true happiness as part of your package.

Casual sex will not ever be part of a future healthy marriage. Its lingering effects follow along and the likelihood of extramarital affairs plague those who do not heed the warnings. There’s so much to lose, including your happiness. So cure the blues with a healthy approach to sex, and save it for marriage.

Sex for Dummies Print
Written by Karen Farris   

No one needs the Sex for Dummies manual. By the time teens have the raging hormones to want sex, TV and movies have given them all the advance technique advice they will ever need. Most kids begin watching suggestive sexual content by the time they are ten. When they are teens, they add to this media diet magazines, online info and R-rated movies. Nothing is left to the imagination. Wow. All they need is a willing partner.

Even public school health classes seem to provide lessons in the STD dangers for the unsuspecting fool. Anyone can search websites for the gross pictures of what awaits those who are unlucky enough to get one of the nearly forty STDs. Sucks to be them. But honestly, the statistics stink for this generation of sexually active people.

So if sex is all that great and wonderful, why then do so many relationships fail? It’s because sex became so commonplace it no longer is special. It is so expected, so routine, so trivial, that when couples are seeking to stay together, sex no longer is the magic glue that can do it.

Perhaps a better book to read would be Rules for Lasting Marriages. If someone really hopes to have someone share their life, it won’t begin in the bedroom, it begins with valuing yourself and deciding that sex isn’t a cheap deal at a fast food restaurant. It was intended to bond two people for life. Too often, couples enter their relationships with a suitcase full of past failures.

No, it’s not too late to change direction, especially if you care or even dare to make a new beginning. Trust me, sex is worth the wait. Someone special is at the end of your wait and they will thank you for your courage to be different. And then sex will have real meaning and be able to do what it was meant to do--make your relationship having staying power.

Bad Romance Lady Gaga Style Print
Written by Karen Farris   

Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance music video has true entertainment shock value. No one questions that she can dance and sing but what about her romantic message? For those who don’t want to watch the video, Lady Gaga is kidnapped, sold into sex slavery and wins her freedom by killing her captor in a burning bed. In case you were curious, this was a HUGE hit with fans.

Racy, sexy lap dancing is the rage and glorified drinking and sex are routine. Lady Gaga invites sex escapades that youth try and wonder later why they aren’t as excited as the music videos portray.

While excitement seems to pound along with the music beat, it fails to keep beating in the hearts of young lovers seeking contentment and relationships that last. When relationships fail to keep the manic energy of a music video, something new must come along, leading people from one relationship to another.

Hold that beat for a moment and give this a thought. Lasting relationships require commitment. It isn’t easy and it often means being less selfish and focused on planning a future. Sex will always be there, but a long-lasting relationship only comes when two people choose to set aside the impulses of the moment and think about tomorrow.

Watch people who have been married for longer than twenty years and you’ll observe them getting their inspiration from others who have been married even longer. Lady Gaga hasn’t learned it yet and many in Hollywood haven’t either. Choose your role models and decide who you want to be in ten years, twenty years, and decide if today’s choices are taking you there.

Soft Porn Prom Attire Print
Written by Karen Farris   

Thanks to facebook I have a front row seat for the spring prom fashion runway. It would seem that girls have taken the “cocktail” look to a whole new level. No need for those flowing, billowy long dresses. The hot look is a micro mini, with sassy peak-a-boo cut outs, revealing maximum flesh.

As a woman, I’ll be first to admit these young ladies have the body types to wear these provocative pieces of fabric. Recently on a young friend’s facebook post, she and her friends lined up facing away from the camera, displaying their derrières for all their admirers. No doubt, framing their backsides provoked the shock therapy such a look creates. For young guys, it probably was hard to keep their minds on anything but wondering about what little else was still hidden.

The girls are only upping the ante. They buy what they see on TV, magazines, Hollywood and, of course, Jersey Shore. These aren’t the proms of my century. These are opportunities for public display of high school hedonism.

As adults we can’t expect better results from youth when they are encouraged to dress and act like animals in some sick mating ritual. As a ten-year volunteer in a crisis pregnancy center, our client visits increase substantially about 30 days after prom. Go figure.

Somehow those sexy dresses don’t seem as desirable when an incurable sexually transmitted disease or an unplanned pregnancy becomes reality. The pendulum has swung so far to the extreme that decency is no longer considered an option for our young women. Makes me wonder what they will value when they no longer find value in themselves.


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